Mediocrity

Sara Jimenez Appreciation Post

2011-12-21T05:19:00.000-08:00

Ever since Work of Art: The Next Great Artist started its second season, I've always had an eye on Sara Jimenez.

So I started taking screen caps of her on the show. That's not creepy, right?

I mean, just look at her.

Look at how cool she is smoking.

Smoking hot.

Sara and this season's winner, Kymia

My heart really went out for her when she spilled her emotions out in one of the crits.

Listening to the crit.

Occupy Wall st. COOL BEANS

Listening to the crit seriously.

Listening to the crit with a giggle.

She's part Filipino, btw.

Nooooo!

Firewoman!

This is Sara going out of her element.

Kyot.

Waltzing to her studio wearing a dress and sneakers.

Explaining her show to Simone de Pury

She didn't win, but she won my heart. WAT

LOL. Anyway, in all seriousness, I actually think she's a great artist. I think China Chow said it best in the finale: "Sara, you showed amazing growth over the course of the competition. And the risks that you took in your final show were very impressive."

To see some of her work, go to sarajimenez.tumblr.com.

TV Tuesdays: Enlightened

2011-11-08T04:28:00.000-08:00

Everybody I know knows I watch a lot of TV. Starting this week, I'll start posting TV Shows I watch. They're mostly sitcoms, though.

For my inaugural TV Tuesday post, I'm gonna write about Enlightened.

From Wikipedia:

Enlightened follows the story of Amy Jellicoe, a self-destructive executive, who, after a very public breakdown and a subsequent philosophical awakening in rehabilitation, tries to get her life back together.

The HBO Dramedy was created by Laura Dern and Mike White, and sometimes has Luke Wilson (as Laura's estranged ex-husband).

Laura Dern, basang-basa sa ulan.

Mike White is awesome.

Luke Wilson is extra-awesome.

Timm Sharp is also here. Remember him from Undeclared?

What I like about this show is that I can relate to it in the sense that I've always been depressed which means, things don't go very well for me no matter what. Sometimes, I feel like a leper when I'm around people (which is how some of the characters of the show treat Amy sometimes).

So, if you're down and troubled, you can count on Laura Dern to make you feel better about yourself.

Depression

2011-11-04T22:51:00.000-07:00

Am I allowed to claim that I am depressed in writing form? 'Cause I totally am. For more or less three years. I feel like I've been floating around the sea and I can't see the horizon anywhere I look. I don't know where the fuck I am heading.

While depression might be a good thing (I mean, some of the greatest artists were depressed, right?), I am not that creative. So, I try to do a few activities to get my mind off things:

1. Try to connect with people. However, at 27, I don't think anybody my age would want to make new friends. You know, real friends. Actual people who will help you when you need them and vice-versa. So, I guess I'm failing miserably and it doesn't help the depression. I made a few friends, though. I guess, that's enough and I should quit complaining.

Some folks I met through Tumblr.

With Sam (as Belle) and Helga (as a Sim)

2. Going to shows and parties. I've been doing this heavily since before depression (BD) and it sorta reminds me of how lonely I am but at the same time my friends are there. So, yeah, I don't know how to feel about this.

I'm in this photo with The Strangeness, trust me.

Ciudad.

3. Watch comedy. With the exception of a few dramas (Madmen, Breaking Bad, Boardwalk Empire, and, American Horror Story) I watch sitcoms exclusively.

This was my Halloween costume,

"First of all, we have a team photo"

I shoulda went as Jesse Pinkman, but, I forgot.

I like American Horror Story while I don't generally like horrors

They keep me entertained. I keep laughing. I keep forgetting how alone and lonely I am. They also remind me about it. I guess, this wasn't a bright idea too? I like laughing, though. So, I don't mind.

Patrice Oneal kinda minds, but, really doesn't

4. Write songs. While I said above that I am not very creative (or good at doing this), I still enjoy it quite a lot. I think this might be the only thing that doesn't seem like a complete failure for me, but, when Mike Kinsella is your peg, you might really get depressed 'cause he's really good.

So yeah, I just try to do the things I enjoy and milk the crap out of it. 'Cause there's no sense in staying depressed if you're not good at it.

Photo credits: Mij Bautista, Paul Wenceslao, Shinji Manlangit, and VLC Media Player

What is Stress?

2011-10-26T07:45:00.000-07:00

Presenting: The De-stressing Tea Mix

My job, just like any other, is pretty stressful. Percentage, acceptance rate, and pivots are just some of the words that I have to deal with on a daily basis. Admit it, just seeing numbers on the computer stresses you out. Not to mention commuting and office politics.

To cope, I play video games at home. And what is the best way to play video games? Play it with a drink. My choice of drink for today's game is what I call "The Video Game Lipton Tea Concoction"

I pause the game a lot to drink some tea.

Just get a cup of hot water, 2 Kalamansi, a bag of Lipton Yellow Label Tea, and (my not so secret ingredient) 1 teaspoon of brown sugar. What you do with the brown sugar, I will never tell. Just mix them all together.

Voila. Instant stress elimination.

Look how incredibly unstressed I am.

Of course, the perfect anti-stress thingamajig would be an iPad 2, but, that's up to you, Lipton.

Boom.

Hi, I'm Charles and I'm an Adult

2011-10-21T08:40:00.000-07:00

Notice how I used my actual name instead of the modified one.

Today, I booked my first ever trip out of the country. I swear, I was really scared of clicking through an array of things and terms I have never seen before. Remember the first time (as Mario) you stepped in to World 8-1 of Supermario Bros. Fucken frightening. It was the exact same feeling I was having when I came across phrases like "Check Baggage" and "Return Flight". I was all, "WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING"

All for the love of the sorcery that is known to us as Indie music.

Singapore St. Jerome Laneway Festival just announced their 2012 Line-up!

Toro Y Moi alone made me want to go there. So, without hesitation, I decided that I will postpone getting a MacBook Pro to book tickets to Singapore next year and get tickets to this thing.

Oh, Chaz.

The whole thing made me think of getting my own credit card! And along with finally coming to terms with my job, it made me feel like an actual adult.

I guess this is a good thing.

But I still wish I could be forever young.

Somebody fix me up with some pixie dust

What an incoherent blog post.

Where Is My Blogging Mojo I Want It Back

2011-10-08T11:26:00.000-07:00

Somewhere in the universe is my blogging mojo. I have lost it, but, I really hope I get it back. So, in the spirit of doing things once in a while, I'm posting a bunch of photos from the past few months that I have been too lazy to post.

Think of it as catching up with me time.

Went to a friend's band's last show

This is Kevin and Shinji

The venue was an art gallery

Art

Finally met Chayenne from the Internet! That's her boyfriend from Typecast.

Quiz night every Friday

Changed my avatar for most of my online accounts

Drew this on my office whiteboard. Nothing happens there.

Went to the Globe Tatt Awards

This Cherry. She was Giniling Festival's former Road Manager

Cherry and Jeje

Knock knock. Who's there? Marco Ho.

Giniling Festival

Had a date with my friend, Rachel

Got a passport!

Made a pact with my friend Tin to get thin in a month. I am failing.

Got a new haircut.

Impulse buy of the year.

Why I Don't Like Watching Reality Shows with Washed Up Celebrities Involved

2011-09-02T16:57:00.000-07:00

I was reading this Cracked article when I came across this video of Meat Loaf absolutely going Gary Busey on Gary Busey:

That's 4 minutes of unintentional celebrity comedy right there. Watch it.

Anyway, right in the middle of the clip, they interview Mark McGrath about what happened.

Rocker slash TV Host? ROCKER??? SERIOUSLY?????

I'll just leave this here.

Vote for Giniling Festival at the Globe T@tt Awards

2011-08-10T15:13:00.000-07:00

Giniling Festival is the one in the middle, obvs.

Hey kids, my cousin's band, Giniling Festival, was nominated in this year's Globe Tatt Awards in the Indie Rocker category. Just head on to http://tattoo.globe.com.ph/tattawards to vote and see a sorta revealing picture of Saab Magalona. Or is that Maxene? IDK I can never tell which is which.

can you tell me who this is in the comments?

Anywho, all you need to do is be on Facebook and click on VOTE.

Here's my case for Giniling Festival. Let's put aside the fact that they're the only rock band in the list. They released their sophomore album for free. Yes. FOR FREE. AND ONLINE!

So, if you're voting for a band for an internet-related award-giving body, vote for somebody who actually used the internet. You know what, vote for them because they imparted their talents for free.

Other categories:

The One -- The most influential trendsetter that shaped opinion, moved people, and ultimately starting fire in Philippine internet.
Ballbreaker -- For the opinion that launched tons of comments or retweets, from the person with so much balls to make that legendary post in the first place.
Stylisimo -- This is for that one person that not only reviewed fashion but also set one that everyone followed and loved.
Indie Rocker -- This is for musical bands and indie artists who fought hard to claim their space in the hearts of the Filipino audience who knew that webtime is better than airtime.
Wordslayer -- Here’s an award for a blogger whose mastery of words showed wit, humor and grit to the Philippine blogosphere.
Artiste -- Hundreds if not thousands of people share their art goodness to the world via the web.
Tech Junkie -- Informed, in tune and in check with the latest in tech, this person do not only present us with access to the latest in trends, but also the backstage of the fast pace world of e-knowledge.
#Thought-mover -- Twitter ain’t for geeks. Twitter is for changing the world.
Video Slinger -- Moving pictures do not just speak a thousand words, they speak millions.
The Advocate -- This award goes to a person or a group of individuals who worked to improve the state of a societal cause in the Philippines through social media.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Appreciation Post

2011-08-09T14:19:00.000-07:00

Last July, I started re-watching the whole FRIENDS series (all 10 seasons) to get through a rough patch in my life. I've seen it a total of 4 times now, and I really can't say it will ever get old for me. I mean, it isn't the best show on TV, but it's definitely on top of my "Things That Make Me Happy" list.

Ironically, it's also on top of "Things That Make Me Cry" list.

In any case, FRIENDS will always be my favorite show ever and I will watch it over and over and over...

The Ultimate NBA All-Star Weekend 2011

2011-07-24T06:31:00.000-07:00

Anybody who knows me pretty much has an idea of how much I love the game of basketball and the NBA. I tweet about it all the time that I feel like they are getting annoyed by it.

But let's not talk about how annoying I can get. Let's talk about how appropriately they named the time a bunch of relevant NBA players came to the Philippines to give Filipinos the most magical time ever.

Nine NBA players came to town:

Derrick Williams - 2nd overall pick of the 2011 NBA Draft, hasn't played a single NBA game but has an NBA body
JaVale McGee - Starting center for the Washington Wizards, one-time triple double haver, plank artist
Derek Fisher - 5-time NBA Champion, President of the NBA Players' Union, should be back in the US helping fix the Collective Bargaining Agreement
Tyreke Evans - 2010 NBA Rookie of the Year, Sacramento King ball hog
James Harden - OKC Thunder 6th month who should be starting, epic beard haver and NBA hipster, my current favorite NBA player
Chris Paul - Starting guard for the NO Hornets, future New York Knick, almost beat the Lakers in the first round single-handedly
Kevin Durant - Starting forward for OKC Thunder, 2-Time NBA Scoring Champ, older than me
Derrick Rose - Starting guard for the Chicago Bulls, reigning NBA MVP, Man of a million facial expressions
Kobe Bryant - Starting guard for the LA Lakers (my team), 2nd greatest player ever, calls himself the Black Mamba

Now, only four of these players are actual All-stars. In fact, two of them don't even average double digit in points, one of them comes off the bench, and have I mentioned one of them participates in corny internet meme projects?

Despite this, I still think "The Ultimate NBA All-Star Weekend" is appropriate for this event. 'Cause when a bunch of multi-millionaires decide to come over to a third world country to entertain hundreds of thousands of rabid basketball fans, you got to use the word 'Ultimate' to describe the whole thing. And with the current state of the NBA, every player's practically an All-Star.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure this has been one of the most memorable experiences in my life. I was almost brought to tears when the announcer was introducing Kobe (something that only happened one other time in my lifetime), and seeing an NBA game has always been one of my life-long dreams. For this, I would like to thank Manny V. Pangilinan for almost owning everything in the Philippines, Manny Pacquiao for being so successful that a bunch of multi-millionaires go crazy over him, and of course, Patricia Bermudez-Hizon for indirectly humiliating me from the NBA stars.

Here be crappy pictures.

Never Meant

2011-07-11T08:04:00.000-07:00

Kids, as an adult person, you should learn to accept things that will never go your way. Things that seem right, yet always go wrong. Never force anything; let everything come naturally. And understand, some things are just never meant.

Thoughts at 3 in the Morning

2011-05-24T12:58:00.000-07:00

Usually, this is a time when you rant about how you're unable to sleep and such. However, I did get some sleep; I've just woken up and I couldn't seem to get back to the figurative bed. So, after 15 minutes of failed pooping and wrestling with my pillows, I asked myself why I can't seem to get more than 6 straight hours of sleep. It just escapes me.
I also just realized how much stuff I have on me that I haven't posted on the Internet yet. I can't decide whether it's because I'm too busy or too lazy. If you count watching a lot of Freaks and Geeks and tweeting productive, then yeah, I've been busy.
I guess my current goal is to post pictures, songs, and whatnot.
Speaking of songs, yes, I've written a few more stuff since my last post two months ago. I've recorded them to a demo, but I'm still iffy about them so I think I'll re-record. Found a friend to join me in this project, maybe I'll invite another. I want my music to sound as folksy and catchy as possible.
Speaking of my project, I wonder how I can get myself gigs without a manager, and without a natural ability to sell myself. I tried getting myself a show once (or twice), but I don't think I can do it without feeling or sounding awkward. Thanks, self.
Speaking of awkwardness, I have a crush on Kate Torralba. I've met her a few times, I greet her sometimes on twitter, she greets back and actually remembers me during shows, but there's just something about me that makes me act awkwardly when she's around.
Speaking of crushes, what's your definition of that word? I'm led to believe that girls and boys have different meanings to it, 'cause girls seem to take it the wrong way when I say I have a lot of crushes.

Updates

2011-03-20T08:04:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been almost three months since my last post here. I blame laziness, and, ironically, my hectic schedule. Too busy doing stuff, and probably too uninspired to write. My remedy for this is just upload pictures or videos of whatever it is I was doing. Like this one:

Cynthia Alexander - Comfort In Your Strangeness from Charls Dumaraos on Vimeo.

Here's a couple of photos from shows I've seen:

Anyway, I thought you must know that I'm working on a Demo EP for my solo project, promptly called "Dumaraos". I'll post something as soon as it's ready for download.

Lastly, I'm finally moving out of my mom's house! I'm so excited. I've been staying here for the last 6 months and I can't really say I loved staying here.

Here's to independence!

First Week

2011-01-08T11:26:00.000-08:00

As most of you probably don't know, I moved to a new job after 4 months of "work" with *Aero ProSystem. I didn't really want to leave them (for various reasons) but my friend Lalaine presented me with a godfather offer: day job, less work/responsiblity, and more money. I've been working for at least 6 years and I've never been across an oppurtunity like that. So, naturally, I grabbed it and served a 30-day resignation period with Aero.

To tell you honestly, I wasn't really expecting anything from this new company I'm gonna call CityLove (CL). As Phil Dunphy would say, "The key to happiness is to set low expectations", a life lesson I learned during year 25.

With zero expectations and the least amount of anticipation, I was surprised by what I saw. The only thing I'm gonna say is, unlike VEX, the people here know what they're doing. They're working at a really high level of effort and accuracy with little resource.

Since it's my first week, I haven't done squat. They showed me a peak of what I'd be doing for a lot of my time which all seemed really easy to me. *Dancing inside my heart*.

The only setback for this "too good to be true" stint is there's no internet, which means I'm writing this on a notepad right now and will be sending to myself later. I say, this is self-progress (I've been trying to stay away from the internet for the longest time). MP3 players aren't allowed, so I'm typing away to the sound of an annoying agent. Also, the bathroom isn't "number 2" friendly.

Other than that, everything else seems nice. The bosses are warm, my teammates are funny, my seat is soft, and there are lazy boys in the sleeping room.

*i don't think i should name the companies i've worked in. or should i?

The 260 of 365 in 2011 Project Challenge

2010-12-31T18:04:00.001-08:00

objectives:

to track all the movies i watch throughout the course of the year.
watch a movie for every weekday of 2011

a few rules

you don’t have to watch on a weekday, you just have to reach at least 260 movies. this means, you can watch multiple movies in a day (even on weekends) if backlogged.
no repeat counting. if you’ve seen a movie more than once, it only counts as one.
short films are not counted (although, this is still debatable)
old films are counted as long as they’re not repeats from this year’s list
write a short and simple review or description of the movie (cause everybody knows i can’t write as well as the folks over at Pelikula)
must post the intertitle or the poster along with your review
post on Tumblr and with “260 of 365” as a tag

i’m doing this really, because i love watching films. however, i do have problems with sticking with a plan (last years project 365 ended at post number 2) which is why i’m calling it a challenge. in 2010, i think i saw about 100-150 movies. i don’t think that’s enough to actually call myself a movie enthusiast.

so, how about it?

Obligatory Year-End Blog Post

2010-12-30T23:55:00.000-08:00

I can't think of anything, so here's a photo of me and my Taxi ni Vivian band mate, Tin. She was the first of a slew of new friends I've met this and was integral in meeting them. 2010, for me, was about new things and staying the same old me.

Starbucks Terminologies

2010-11-29T23:36:00.000-08:00

If you've never been to a Starbucks before, you'll probably have the same problem I had when I purchased my first ever cup of coffee: their naming convention. Well, that and besides their lack of seats (maybe there's just too many folks hanging out there).

I got strange looks from strangers when I was asking for a medium sized Caramel Frappe. "Ah, 'Grande' sir." "OK, whatever you say."

At first, I thought it was crazy to call the smallest cup "Tall", the medium one "Grande" and the tallest cup "Venti". Not until I Googled it that I realized there was a smaller cup they called "Short" (thus, explaining Tall). Grande is Italian for big (which only makes sense when you compare it to Tall), and Venti means 20 ounces. Those pretentious muthers.

Anyway, 'tis the season for yuppies to be enslaved by these pretentious a-holes. For every purchase, earns you a sticker. Get enough stickers, you get a slick Starbucks Planner in exchange. And if Starbucks wasn't pretentious enough (seriously, 'pretentious' is the only word I will be describing them), they also named the colors of their planners differently:

Red = Velvet
Gray = Metallic

So why are they calling their product a very ordinary 'planner'? Let's take it up a notch and list down a few possible names for the planner:

Starbucks Agenda Rememberer
Starbucks Unimportant Events Logbook
Starbucks Circumstance/Excuse Recorder
Starbucks Chronology of Affairs Lister

Those are just some of my ideas (thesaurus.com helped). What are yours?

Creativity

2010-11-12T21:57:00.000-08:00

Last night, I saw a cab named after me. Jeez. You'd sometimes think that you've created something that's so original that nobody else thought about it then one time this shows up.

Here's Plan B

2010-11-11T17:21:00.000-08:00

The first time I ever saw The Purplechickens play was when they played with my cousin's band, Giniling Festival, in one of their first gigs I attended. This was probably in Mayric's (now Sazi's) circa 2003. Giniling Festival was fairly new, so they played last (I think) and unleashed one of the greatest local performances I've ever seen (before they started, Jeje shouted "ANG UMUWE, MAMAMATAY". golden.)

Anyway, one of the bands that night was, well, Purplechickens. I remember my cousin remarking, "galing nila 'no?". And I agreed completely. Like a small town boy getting told what to do.

After a year, the Purplechickens released their album Here's Plan B. Naturally, my cousin bought one out of admiration for the band and naturally, he shared the love.

And love I received. The album was smashing. Brilliant. Remarkable. Outstanding. I found myself listening to the album on a loop while playing NBA Live 2003. It was one of those records you'd love from start to finish. Just like the other 4 of my top 5 OPM albums (no order):

Cambio - Derby Light
Sugarfree - Sa Wakas
Itchyworms - Noon Time Show
Eraserheads - Natin99

A few years passed, I lost all data from my old PC. I was contacting the band about getting their last copy, but for some reason, the idea drifted. Recently, I was asking them again about it but they already have sold it.

So much for musical cravings.

One day, Kathy G., tweeted that she won P2,000 from the local lottery. And you just know I was gonna joke about getting balato. Instead of letting me in for free at her production that coming Saturday, she gave me a couple of links that literally made me want to cry. One of them was the record I've been craving for for the last 4 or so years.

Suddenly, I feel like one of the Survivor players where food was scarce and really cherished it when they won food rewards. It was amazing. I'm still listening to the album as of this writing. And yes, hints of tears.

The Home of NU Rock

2010-11-07T00:47:00.000-07:00

In a few hours, we'll be saying goodbye to one of the Philippine's iconic FM stations, NU 107.

I'm not gonna lie to you. I haven't been listening to a hint of radio since 6 years ago. I have shunned it for principle reasons (in other words, I watched Fight Club). But before that period, nothing else was playing in my ears but NU.

It's where I learned what good music really was. It's where I made ironing my own clothes not feel like a chore. It's where I drown all my problems away. It was the home of new rock. A sudden influx of youngsters who instantly dreamed of being on radio too. That's why our current music scene is so rich right now. No, it's not because of technology, it's because something inspired us who we wanted to be. It stared right into our eyes and pointed out what our passion should be.

Music. Music not heard by many. Music not heard by your parents, your siblings even. Music that, because you're listening to it, made you feel really cool and really good about yourself. It was new rock.

It had a home and now it passes it on to our hearts. Long live NU 107. Long live music.

Sedentary Lifestyle

2010-11-06T01:27:00.000-07:00

A.K.A. slacking off, couch potato person, sofa spud.

In other words, my life.

I bet, from those first two sentences, you'll know exactly how I learned the term Sedentary Lifestyle. Yes, from browsing the internet too much.

Here's another term to ponder on: Visceral Fat. It really sounded catchy, which is why I googled it as soon as I read it. In layman's terms, it's fat on your belly. Fat you get for having a sedentary lifestyle.

Cool. Now I can stop wondering why I have a big belly despite not drinking alcohol at all.

Go read up on them yourself. I feel too lazy (even on the internet) to explain, darnit. Too lazy. Even on the internet. Probably why I'm blogging like this right now. Laziness.

So now I'm planning on maybe playing basketball again to burn all the 'potential energy' stored in my mid-section. Well, at least that's the plan. You all know how I am with execution.

Birthdays

2010-10-14T06:38:00.000-07:00

as posted on wecomeofage

I’ve never celebrated birthdays like a normal person does. The cynic inside me tells me that nobody really likes me anyway; nobody will go to my party if I ever hold one. Except maybe my parents and my siblings. Which sucks, ‘cause although you need to be surrounding yourself with people who trust and love you, you get sick of them anyway.

Another part of me just wants to celebrate it by rewarding my body something it doesn’t normally get: long sleep. Maybe I’m too busy with work. Maybe I’m too busy with the Internet or television or the movies. Maybe I’m an undiagnosed insomniac. Who knows? I just couldn’t get sleep for more than six hours — even if I spend 12-14 hours in bed.

The wise person inside me never wants to celebrate it on any significant date. It says it doesn’t make sense. It says I don’t look that much different from myself exactly a year ago which means I really haven’t age. Unless of course you compare me to myself five years ago, which is stupid. What are you celebrating for? You’ve just gotten fatter. You want to eat on your birthday? It’ll just make you even fatter. Get some sense to yourself.

Wise person can really be cruel. But he tells the truth. He’s wise. Who am I to challenge his authority? He tells me the only way you could have aged is when you learn something new or different. Something that will make you a better person. Better human being.

I used to hate the rest of the world. As I’ve said earlier, I have this feeling that nobody really ever liked me which makes me not like them either. Everybody’s a jack-ass. Then, for some reason unbeknownst to me, I somehow learned (maybe through the internet, I’ll never be sure) that, yeah, including myself, everyone is going through something in their lives. Something probably makes them feel depressed — even the rich ones. And you’ll never know what will push them over the edge. Since then, I tried very hard not to snap at anybody, cause you’ll never know. You just won’t. Until you talk to them and maybe help them with it.

I am 26 now, I turn a year older every December and I still think most of the people I know don’t like me as much as I like them. But I learned not to care enough to confront them about it. In it’s stead, I just surround myself with people who like me enough to spend some time with me on the day I remind myself that only my body gets old, my thoughts are still childish.

For Laur'n

2010-10-12T17:29:00.000-07:00

dreary grim black
sorrowful blue drab
drearisome uncomfortable wintry
austere dejected mopey

miserable woeful desolate
dolorous jarring disconsolate
in the dumps joyless dispiriting
melancholy oppressive dejecting

mournful gloomy dismal
woebegone funereal dull
sullen despondent comfortless
somber bleak depressed

sad
sad
sad
sad
sad.

The Morning Wood

2010-10-12T17:26:00.000-07:00

the morning wood:
   comes out in the morning
   comes out to play
   is stiff and unbending
   is here to stay

the morning wood:
   likes the great outdoors
   likes building a tent
   likes baiting and fishing
   likes cleaning the vent

the morning wood:
   hates chores and vegetables
   hates noon and lunch
   hates people and meetings
   hates juice and punch

the morning wood:
   is high and fixated
   is too jack to call
   is boss and elated
   is too tall to fall

for Polin, my dear friend

2010-10-12T17:20:00.000-07:00

Pauline, the Anti-Jet Set
Ice cream is part of her diet
She likes it when the ice cream is wet
You can even smell aroma on her breath

Her favorite flavors are lemon and maple syrup
She won't notice you no matter what stir-up
As long as she's eating her ice cream
She'll only spot you in a dream

Pauline, the Anti-Jet Set
I'm so sorry you don't know her yet.
Pauline, the Anti-Jet Set
The day will come, when you will have met.

I Feel You, Andy. I Feel You.

2010-10-09T00:35:00.000-07:00

WHY?

This is The Office's Andy. I make the same forlorn, dejected face whenever I feel like I lost something that I'm emotional about. That exact same face. Looking down. Almost smiling, but never really. Hints of getting ready to scream and cry "WHY?" out loud.

I really felt Andy in the latest Office episode. It has happened to me a million times, and I don't think things will ever get tired of doing it to me. I sometimes think that it's just the way it's supposed to be. Melancholy and infinite sadness, referencing the ever morose Billy Corgan.

To make matters worse, they end the episode with Andy singing the Macy Gray song, I Try. Truly one of the saddest lyrics ever.

Here is my confession
May I be your possession
Boy, I need your touch
Your love, kisses and such
With all my might I try
But this I can't deny
Deny
I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you
(but I'm dreaming of you babe)
And I'll keep my cool, but I'm feenin'
I try to say goodbye and I choke (yeah)
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
(when you are not near aahh)
Goodbye and I choke (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I try to walk away and I stumble (hey, hey, hey)
Though I try to hide it, it's clear (say it Lord)
My world crumbles when you are not here
Goodbye and I choke (I'm choking)
I try to walk away and I stumbe
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near
(when you are not near, yeah, yeah yeah)
Yeah, yeah..
Anyway, I'm a bit teary-eyed right now and felt like writing this down real quick. Just to let everybody know at at exactly 2:58PM on a rainy Saturday afternoon, Charles is as sad as Andy.

Captain Planet and the Planeteers

2010-10-07T17:35:00.000-07:00

Go get your rings ready, it's time to combine our powers and shout "GO PLANET!"

*Queue in Captain Planet's theme song

I think one of my fondest memories as a child was watching the first Captain Planet series (not the lame one by Hanna-Barbera) anchored by a mullet-wearing green-colored super-man named Captain Planet. Friday nights, 7pm. My full attention shifts to watching 5 randomly cool teenagers from all over the world with extra cool powers with even cooler rings.

You can totally trust the mullet guy. I mean, he's flying.

The 5 teenagers, or planeteers, have these powers to control an element of nature given to themby Gaia, spirit of the Earth. The 5 are Kwame (from Africa, controlling Earth), Wheeler (from North America, controlling Fire), Linka (from the Russian Federation, controlling Wind), Gi (from Asia, controlling Water), and Ma-Ti (from South America, controlling the extra element of Heart). I would describe these characters more but I'm too tired to type. They're on Wikipedia anyway. What I know that's not in their wikipage is that I always wanted Wheeler and Linka to be together.

Anyway, there's been a villain lurking our planet right now called Global Warming. It's up to us prevent it using our own magical rings. Our element being heart.

Heart? You mean we can talk to animals and be almost telephatics? No. Of course not. That one's taken already. When I say heart, I mean, won't your prying heart be a little bit concerned about what's going on with our ridiculous weather? Aren't you feeling sympathetic for our bare-treed forests? Aren't you sick of the horrible humidity? Listen real close, 'cause your heart is telling you something.

Do something.

Join me, and a few thousand people, and take part in UNTV's Isang Araw Para sa Kalikasan campaign through different critical watersheds nationwide. We're planting around 50,000 seedlings and will take care of it for at least 3 years (so you know I'm not kidding around). The cause will be held on October 10, 2010 while celebrating Ang Dating Daan's 30th anniversary on the air.

10.10.10. How cool is that? Do something historic on a historic date.

What, your fat-surrounded heart is too lazy to move on a sluggish Sunday morning? You can do other stuff of course. Click through this link and see. Most of them, you can do in the comfort of your own room.

Listen to what your heart says. It's the purest of all the elements. It's been planted with the seeds of love, caring, and compassion. Unless you're Duke Nukem of course.

Duke Nukem was an environmental douche. You don't want that label, yes?

How I Got to Know About Terry Fox Through Bill Simmons

2010-10-03T19:38:00.000-07:00

As most of you don't know, I'm a big fan of Bill Simmons. I've been following him since the 2006 NBA Finals when I read a Mark Cuban blog post where he claimed that Simmons has become his new favorite sports writer.

I couldn't blame Cubes. He wrote masterfully with a lot of pop culture reference and most importantly, made me laugh (aside from the fact that he rooted against the Heat because of poor officiating. Finally, I favorite writer of my own.

I followed him since then, listened to 25% of his podcasts, bought both his books, RSSed his Twitter account, and even watched the TV shows he watched. I'm such a big fan of his. So just like Cuban, you can't really blame me if I watch the TV show he produces, 30 for 30. I'd totally go Senor Chang to be one of his friends.

One time, he tweeted about a 30 for 30 episode that everybody needed to watch. I didn't know anything about what the document was about, all I knew was Bill Simmons told me to watch it.

A few seconds into the program, they showed Steve Nash which I thought was favorable to me cause it was about basketball (I admit, the only 30 for 30 episodes I ever saw was anything that had to do with basketball and/or the NBA). Then Steve Nash starts talking about when he was just 6 years old back in 1980 when a young man who was running across Canada on one leg became one of Canada's national heroes.

Here's the summary from ESPN.com

In 1980, Terry Fox continued his fight against bone cancer with the pursuit of a singular, motivating vision: to run across Canada. Three years after having his right leg amputated six inches above the knee after being diagnosed with osteosarcoma, Fox set out to cover more than a marathon’s distance each day until he reached the shores of Victoria, British Columbia. Anonymous at the start of his journey, Fox steadily captured the heart of a nation with his Marathon of Hope. However the 21-year old BC native's goal was not fame, but to spread awareness and raise funds for cancer research. After 143 days and two-thirds of the way across Canada, with the eyes of a country watching, Fox’s journey came to an abrupt end when newly discovered tumors took over his body. Two-time NBA MVP, proud Canadian, and first-time filmmaker Steve Nash will share Fox’s incredible story of perseverance and hope.

I won't dig into it any further; all I'm gonna say is go watch it. It's very inspiring and tear-jerky. I'm telling you. You need to see it. It'll make you realize how everyone is going through something in their lives but the real problem is: how you're going to face it. How are you going to handle every single hardship that comes your way. Terry Fox, needless to say, handled it like a hero.

Deepression

2010-09-23T00:23:00.000-07:00

I've spent the last couple of days feeling really out of it. Think of any word that's synonymous to sad, that's me. I feel like somebody close to me died and I've been moping around like Charlie Brown. Sometimes I think I AM Charlie Brown. I mean, we already have the same name and we're bummed out most of the time. The only difference between us is he's bald and I don't have a dog.

Why not just keep myself busy? I've been watching a bunch of TV programs despite planning not to. Good thing a lot of comedies are coming out this fall: How I Met Your Mother, Weeds, Modern Family etc. These should lighten up my mood while I'm at home until I pass out.

I've also finished a bunch of Louis C.K. specials which got me a bit more depressed about where my body is headed. I mean, if I keep eating a bunch of junk, my body will look exactly like his. Seriously. I need to stop. At least for the time being. So far, I've denied my body of ice cream, chocolate, and an extra serving of rice. So, the diet has been going well since the week started. I guess that's something to be happy about. Or not. Maybe food will make me happy. I mean, the diet is one of the two things that changed this week. Maybe I should just stop. I really want that piece of chocolate from the ref.

Anyway, there's this girl. End of story. That's all you need to know about that... is that she's a girl.

Girls confuse me all the time. One minute, they're all over you. Next thing, they're ignoring your IMs. Such puzzles, these creatures.

One good thing I got from all this melancholy, is I've had name ideas for my solo project thing (and I totally have a private gig on Saturday btw). Here's three of them:

Bummer Man
A- (as in, A Negative, the blood type)
Mope Head

I need people to suggest me a few more. Something catchy and will make you think of depression the instant you hear it.

And now, it's raining outside. Perfect.

Plan: Read Books

2010-09-16T06:04:00.000-07:00

Last friday, my friend Erwin made a comment about my lack of enthusiasm/enjoyment for reading comics and books, he said I watch too much TV.

Now, this is true. I do watch a lot of TV. In fact, 75% of the time I spend on the computer is either watching some TV series or downloading it. What can I say, while I like books, watching movies and television is so much easier and less time consuming specially for a person who's as busy as I am.

Which brings me to my plan: cut back on the TV and spend more time on books. I just downloaded episode 1 of the new Survivor season, but I'm no longer watching it because of this plan. I also already stopped watching Rubicon (but still downloading it just in case), House, Chuck and a bunch of other dramas. Comedy, I can't stop watching them, sorry.

Anyway, here's a list of books I'm planning to read or re-read or finish:

Bill Simmon's Book of Basketball (to finish)
J.D. Salinger's Catcher in the Rye (re-read)
Stephen Chbosky's Perks of Being a Wallflower (re-read)
Mark Haddon's The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time (to read)
J.D. Salinger's Franny and Zooey (to read)
Chuck Palahniuk's Fight Club (to read)
Chuck Palahniuk's Rant (to read)

Of course, and as always in my case, planning is just one thing. Execution is a whole 'nother playing field.

Of Independence

2010-09-14T01:17:00.000-07:00

As most of you probably don't know, I just moved back to Cainta from Cubao due to crappy circumstance. I shall provide the details 'cause I'm tired of talking about it.

Rojo, my roommate who asked me to move in to the extra room in his apartment, has been living in the apartment for 3 years. He and his friends rented that apartment under his friend's name. His friend moves out 3 years ago leaving Rojo handling everything in the apartment (e.g. bills, maintenance). In the 3 years that Rojo has been living there, the sh*tty landlord and him would get in to different kinds of squabbles. Water, electricity, and noise are 3 of the most disputed topics they have. Rojo never misses a payment for the apartment though.

A few weeks ago, our toilet developed a really bad plumbing problem (read: we had to defecate somewhere else). So, naturally, Rojo would ask assistance from the sh*tty landlord, like any normal tenant would do. However, the sh*tty landlord denies assistance and tells Rojo to f*ck off. Livid, Rojo gets into a word war with the sh*tty land lord. Let's just say mild-mannered adults within 10 feet would feel uncomfortable hearing their phone conversations. Two weeks later, we receive a notarized letter from the sh*tty landlord's attorney, his brother-in-law (no pun intended), basically saying we're trespassing his property because Rojo isn't the original tenant.

So here I am, back in Cainta, convincing myself that this is a good thing. Because I'm no longer paying rent and whatever, I'll be saving a lot more money for a Singapore migration or maybe get myself a vehicle of some sort (I'm leaning towards a Honda Jazz, or VW. Something a hipster would drive. A bike perhaps). I'll have the opportunity to hang out with my old friends as well. Also, a lot of hometown girls I've been noticing on Facebook (I had to).

I do miss, however, the sense of independence I've longed for during my teens. The thought of independence really turns me on and I could probably ramble about it for a solid hour or so. I'll try my best to enumerate the best things about living off your parents:

Living off your parents. Listen, I love my parents. I really do. But I can't handle 24 hours of them anymore. The constant bickering, the awkward cuddling, it's a f*cking mess (at least for me). The biggest difference between 26-year old Charles and 16-year old Charles is 26-year old Charles can finally afford to live without them. Yes, I would've moved out when I was 15 or 16 if I could.
DIY. It stands for do-it-yourself which means no more home cooked meals (unless you can cook yourself), and free laundry. No more made-bed after getting home from wherever and no more room cleaning itself. I had to eat in carinderias (I can't cook), and have my laundry done for an average of Php180 for the last 2 years. My bedsheets are changed whenever I get rashes from how dirty it is, and you can plant potatoes and other underground-vegetables in my room. I don't clean my room. I never clean my room. But still, I had the option to do it myself anytime I thought about it. When my electric fan broke, I had to buy another one cause daddy is no longer around to fix it.
Be hungry all the time. Probably my favorite part of living alone. You're experiencing what it was like when the rock stars of today felt when they were starting out. For you to win some, you have to lose some. You lose weight as well.
No rules. Probably your favorite part of living alone. You are your own boss and nobody else (unless you have a possesive significant other). Un-curfewed nights. Hang out with your friends whenever. Bring friends over. Watch television all the time. Walk around naked in the house (come on, let's be honest here). Eat Chinese food five days straight. Have different girls over (okay, totally made that up). But you get the point.

Those are what I can think of on the top of my head right now. I'm pretty sure there are other perks. Something that you totally dreamed about. I miss it already.

P.S. I just ordered -- yes, ordered -- my little brother to get me a soda and he did. Maybe this isn't such a bad thing after all.

Eraserheads Part I

2010-09-08T21:29:00.000-07:00

Well my friends already blogged about how to get the Heads Set and what it's like so I won't bother writing about that. They're better bloggers than me anyway.

What I'm going to write about are my personal experiences when it comes to the greatest local band ever.

1995 - Overdrive
It started when I was in the 6th grade. My then best friend (I really don't know what happened to us) bought the Cutterpillow album and invited me to listen in his house. All I can remember now is that I literally rolled on the floor laughing during the Overdrive's epilogue. After that, I told my mother what I wanted for my birthday. Do you remember how it feels like to get something you really want? Do you remember not getting disappointed at all? That's how I felt when she handed me the cassette tape. I listened the crap out of that cassette every morning. If last.fm existed in the mid-90s, the bar beside the Eraserheads would look like the Empire State building if you put it in Makati.

1998 - Saturn Return
Three years later, in high school, when we thought we were the coolest people on earth, my best buds went on a trip to Antipolo by ourselves and brought along the whole Eheads discography up to that point (Aloha Milky Way was the latest release that time). So there we were, beside a 4 ft swimming pool, sucking at pool, drinking lemonade, blasting all 50+ Eraserheads songs. If the internet existed back then, I'd be tagging my blogpost "THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST".

2000 - Southsuperhighway
Natin99 had just come out and it was the balls. At least that's what I thought. My dad, upon hearing Southsuperhighway, went bananas and father-preached about what good music is. He says the dude ain't singing (he's shouting), and is disgracing the art of singing. To be perfectly fair, that song wasn't really supposed to attract a normal person's ears. A lot of noise and a lot of things going on in the song, so I can't blame him really. I think he pulled the living-under-his-roof card so I had to stop listening for a while.

2001 - Maskara
I saw it on MYX and I remember telling myself "wtf is this crap?" I also remember blaming Raimund for forming Sandwich and thanking him at the same time cause Butterfly Carnival was an absolute beast in my ears and apparently in the charts.

After that, for some reason, they just faded in my world. Like an hourglass, the sand just kept trickling down until I flip the whole thing...

Part II sometime next week.

Forever Alone

2010-09-06T01:56:00.000-07:00

I've been pondering about my relationship life ever since Chui tweeted this meme with the #foreveralone hash tag. Don't get me wrong, it's as funny as any meme out there, but whenever a joke hits you dead in the chest, you're bound to lament over your current status, former romances, and past decisions. Also, seeing your contemporaries be happy as f*ck won't help either.

Are you doing the right things? Am I good enough? Will I ever good enough? You're not annoying, are you? What went wrong? What happened? She wasn't so bad. Did you handle that right? Did you ever handle anything right? These are some questions that come to mind, shattering your self-esteem in the process.

However, it's still nice to look at things on the brighter side. (hello, chance-to-use-bullets)

I do enjoy watching TV/Movies by myself. I save myself from being bombarded with silly questions whose answers stares you in the face.
I can write more songs and do other projects/hobbies.
More internet time.
More time with the family.
I save more money to buy stuff.
No birthday/anniversary gift idea pressure.
No worrying about your significant other's whereabouts and vice versa.
You can go out with absolutely anybody you're interested in.

Anyway, I've searched my Facebook photos, and found two pictures for your photo-shopping pleasure. Enjoy.

Download a full Radiohead concert from Prague

2010-09-01T00:45:00.000-07:00

contagiousstereo:

Radiohead decided that giving away free music wasn’t enough. So they decided to give away a free dvd online. The dvd is of a show they did in Prague, and the footage is shot by the people in attendance. So it’s kinda like that Daft Punk music video. Neat. The site is running very very slow though. So be warned. If you don’t want to go through the hassle of downloading it, all the songs are on youtube.

so i was having a conversation with this co-worker of mine about radiohead. he claims they became “weird” after ok computer. i was all “are you f*cken serious? they got better! and you call them your favorite band? asshole.” ok, so i made up the last two sentences and may have exaggerated certain adverbs/adjectives, but still. he even told me that their last album release was this year and that they had an album before pablo honey.

number 1, i’d believe him that there was a demo before pablo honey, but i’d never call it an album.

number 2, i didn’t believe for one second that they released something this year. i’d have known about it for sure. but i wasn’t sure, so i had to come home to check the internet. wikipedia says no. and we all know if it doesn’t say it in wikipedia, it’s not true.

so, f*ck you co-worker. i knew right from the start you were full of crap.

anyway, here's the link for downloading the dvd.

Issues at Sonic Boom's 4th Anniversary

2010-08-29T00:53:00.000-07:00

I wasn't even planning on going in the first place. Yet my cousin successfully dragged me to WhiteSpace Makati with hopes another epic night much like what happened to the 2nd (Rico Blanco's first ever solo gig) and 3rd (Sheila and the Insects' reunion) anniversaries -- I wasn't there for the 1st one.

I also had hopes of changing my opinion about Franco, a "super" band fronted by Franco Reyes. I say super band cause they're made up of 2 Urbandubs including frontman Gabby Alipe, Parokya ni Edgar's Buwi Meneses, Queso's 8 Toleran, and of course Franco himself. I also used quotation marks cause after hearing their album, I honestly thought they could've done better (or could they).

Franco has 3 guitarists and they never fully utilized them. All you hear is a bunch of over distorted guitars on top of each other and minimal guitar riffs. I'm not a music genius or anything, but I know great guitar playing when I hear it. And mediocre guitars from 3 guitarists who come from 3 separately successful bands is just not acceptable.

My cousin probably gave me the best excuse so far, baka minadali kasi yung recording kaya ganon. At some level, I believe him. The recording process is very tedious and hard. I know this because I recorded a song with a professional friend of mine, and it was no joke. I mean, I only did the vocal parts and it still took a lot from me. However, for 5 very experienced music veterans, I don't care if you've had time constraints, you should've been able to produce a great guitar solo during the writing process.

Anyway, that's just me bitching and moaning cause I'm really disappointed and a bunch of my friends really like them. Which is cool, cause we're allowed to have our own music preferences and whatnot.

I can't believe I just used 4 paragraphs to explain why I don't like Franco. Moving on...

Here are my other issues, in bullet form:

It's in WhiteSpace. Too far.
No Nictynasty, which is one of the really underrated local bands.
Paolo Valenciano cut off his 'fro. What, is he trying to look pogi? Cause he already was with the 'fro and all. Lol.
Marc Abaya is becoming a really big douche with the way he performs. Not saying he's a douche, only when he performs. Sobrang rockstar niya, ok.
Taken by Cars is losing their mojo. People were literally sitting down during their set. How disappointing was that for them?
Typecast's played a half-hearted set. I still love 'em though.

My last legitimate beef, is that nothing special happened that night. Last year, I discovered a nice, down-to-earth, Singaporean post-hardcore band (A Vacant Affair) which triggered my desire to move to the mighty mighty SG. I think 3 foreign bands played last year, plus a tear-jerking reunion set Sheila and the Insects. Two years before that, Rico Blanco's first solo gig gave me the chills. This year, this year was mediocre at best. They didn't even have Faspitch.

I wouldn't leave you without highlights:

My friend Jewel was one of the two hosts and she was amazing. There were technical difficulties at some point in the middle of the event (the other stage wasn't working), and no dead air in between. Which made me realize that hosting these events is much like improv.
The Line Divides set was amazing. Their singer is how every singer should perform. Also, they were flying to Davao after the event for another event. Now, that's what I call lagare.
Salamin also had a nice set.
My friend Goldie was there. She was so pretty that night. Too bad she has a boyfriend lol.
My cousin introduced me to this really hot model friend of hers. Hot hot hot. My only words.

In retrospect, if my cousin, whom I haven't seen in a year, wasn't going, I probably wouldn't have gone as well. I'd have been at Last Home for another friend's birthday gig, or at Cubao X. However, my only regret was wasting 500 bucks for it.

A Mark Zuckerberg Post

2010-08-22T17:35:00.000-07:00

(Dude, this is Blogspot. What are you doing writing LiveJournal titles?)

As many already know, Mark Zuckerberg is Facebook's creator, owner, and whatever-it-is-as-long-as-the-word-facebook-is-in-it-thats-him.

I recently learned, though, that he recently made himself un-blockable on his site.

What a douche.

So, I Facebook-searched him with the hopes of adding him or just find out for myself that he can't be blocked. Turns out, he can't be added either.

Seriously, Zuck? Seriously?

Since I can't do much about it, I just examined his profile. So, like everyone else, I go to his photos first.

What a self-centered b-tch. Random Press photos? Who manages his Facebook account, his mother? Believe me, only mothers, and to a small extent, fathers, takes clippings of his son's press photos. I know this cause it kinda happened to me. Back when I was hosting a children's show, my parents, when they'd introduce me to somebody, would tell these folks that I'm hosting X show and doing Y thing. It was crazy.

***Funny how the way they express that they're proud of you, is also the most embarrassing thing they do. Don't worry, they don't read this. Lol.

Next: About Me

Dear Zuck, your bio sounds like a mission/vision statement. Also, if the word bio means life, does this mean you're trying to make every thing public? Are you trying to uncover the secrets of the White House?

***President Clinton: Just had amazing head from Nicky. Lol.

And now that you've launched Facebook places, the world seems to be getting smaller and smaller, Zuck.

You know what my theory is? My theory is that Zuck is trying to get revenge from the people who've rejected him during his formative years. You know, jocks, cheerleaders, every cute girl ever, and he just wants them to know how successful he is right now. So he's using whatever information former-highschool-crush-who-didn't-want-to-go-out-with-him-cause-he's-a-geek puts in her Facebook to his advantage. Like if she has kids, he kidnaps them. Or if captain-of-the-football-team-who-humiliated-him-in-front-of-everybody ever goes to work (at the gasoline station), he sends in his Facebook goons to beat the guy up to a lump.

I bet that's what's happening here. Cause, hey, if I manage to turn a college thesis into a global success, I'd do it. I'd rub it on everybody-from-my-highschool's face. It's revenge of the nerds, billions of dollars edition.

P.S. Mark Zuckerberg, if you've accidentally stumbled upon this site after your mother sends you the link after googling your name, please know that this is just fun. Nothing serious. I love Facebook (cause I'm totally doing every thing in that paragraph). Please don't kick me out of the internet.

The Moment Everything Stopped and Continued in Slow Motion

2010-08-21T17:57:00.000-07:00

Tumigil ang buhay. Parang slomo, makulay.

Arguably my favorite lyrics ever, by one of my favorite local indie acts, Ang Bandang Shirley.

It's hard to keep chasing something that don't want to be chased. Think of it like a dog chasing a mechanical rabbit. The dog, well, he just wants to catch that rabbit. I don't care what it wants to do with the rabbit, but you can really see the determination the dog has for the rabbit. The rabbit, meanwhile, is mechanical, thus, don't feel anything, except where the control takes it.

While I learned this a few years ago, I'm gonna tell you a story, about how the world stops, turns upside down, goes in slow motion, and finally decides to go back to the speed of things, leaving you with a mild concussion. Actually, I'm gonna tell you a story of when this happened to me. Which is why those lyrics have become so dear to me.

It was noon. A lot of people going to and fro and I was one of them. There I was, my mind wandering with my feet, like a bottle floating in the sea, I didn't mind where the current takes me. Anyway, while I was staring blankly to a sea of people, a proverbial lady in red appeared out of nowhere. And just like in The Matrix, Morpheus (my attention) called me out for wondering about the lady and when I looked again, Agent Smith (shock, awe, whatever) is pointing a gun at me, as time froze.

And I wondered: was it really her? Somebody I haven't seen in months, but still manage to catch my attention even with the last strand of hair? It was her. Oh my dear crap she's so pretty. So, do I chase her and have small talk? IT REALLY IS HER! WHAT TO DO? WHAT TO DO?

After about 8 seconds of standing in the middle of a crowd, I find myself some place else like I was narcoleptic or something. It was really weird, what happened.

Alas, a few months later, I learn she's a lesbian and dating another girl. They're pretty serious right now, so there's really nothing much I can do about it but to accept and let it go and keep walking in a sea of blurred out people until I find another woman in a red dress.

*sighs*

Vacation Week

2010-08-08T21:50:00.000-07:00

The past week in bullets:

Monday - did nothing.
Tuesday - did nothing
Wednesday - watched Mad Men. Did nothing
Thursday - played badminton with my youngest brother under the rain. Stayed there maybe for an hour and finally sighed, "I'm too old for this shit."
Friday - this day deserves sub-bullets

Met up with my high school teacher and classmates
Realized once more that I've changed a lot.
Brought a striped hoodie out of impulse; seriously, never do that.
Met my bestfriend's wife. Meh.
Saw his son's pictures. Yeah!
Had dinner with other highschool batch mates. I wasn't surprised at all that they all own motor bikes. My bestfriend didn't like the idea of me getting a vintage scooter. She thinks it's stupid making me realize again how much I've changed.
Went back home to Cubao and arrived at around 12am -- an hour before my friend's farewell party in my former office.
I took a nap, and missed it by 4 hours.

Saturday - well the last two bullets were on a Saturday.
Saturday night - one of the best nights ever!
Sunday

swore to clean my room.
I didn't do it. Instead, watched some more Mad Men until I caught up with the current season.
Cheered Don Draper.
Wished the week didn't end cause I'm going back to work on Monday.

Charles, the Happy Fan

2010-08-08T03:11:00.000-07:00

On my way home from Tapsi ni Vivian last night, I kept thinking about how I was going to write about the events of the epic epic night. The night has been marked in my calendar since I first saw this poster and have been looking forward to it like a spoiled brat waiting for Christmas.

Anyway, the bottom line is, I can't put anything to words. Amazing would be an understatement so I'll just post some pictures.

If there is one thing I really love about Ciudad, it's that they never changed since day 1. Their first single gets on top of the charts, they're still the same. 10 years later, they still set up their own gear, add you on Facebook instead of sending you a message to like their fan page instead, and since that album is no longer available, they burn copies and give them out for free. I think I just described what an Indie band is.

Why I Don't Have a Child Yet

2010-08-01T17:39:00.000-07:00

Charles Dumaraos, 2009

Why don't I have a child yet?

I'm 25 years old

and I still don't have those little bundles of joy

40% of my old classmates have at least one

braggig their moments, stories, and pictures

while I have none

My mother has been going crazy on me

Pressuring me to get her a grandchild

But all I can do is smile and try to ignore her

because right at this moment, i'm thinking-

this idea is wild!

Sure, babies are cute

Until you wake up 2 in the morning

and clean up their poop

Crying tirelessly like there's no tomorrow

By the end of the night, you wish there's

Somebody's time you can borrow

Then on Saturday and Friday nights

You can't go away

To party, get drunk, have fun and play

Because of your little darling who

Can't feed itself and will probably pee itself

you need to stay

And now you wish you had a condom when you got laid

after 3 or 4 years, somehow, you get past that

by now, you're praying this child won't turn into a brat

because this toddler will ask for everything

from barbie dolls to spiderman action figures

all harry potter books and stephenie meyer releases

an annual party and inflated allowance daily

and everything they don't have

that their classmates do maybe

such a pain in the rear, these children are

when you travel by commute

or even when you have a car

it's like two pet mice

got out of their cage

and you're trying to put em back on the leash

to shut down the chaos and rage

when they grow up tp be adolescents

full of angst and rebelious thinking

reminds you of yourself, when you were a teen

but probably a lot mellower or maybe the other way

you also won't know what they're up to

despite the internet superhighway

thinkin bout drugs and sex and crume and such

they might end up using a crutch

and that's not all, it's not all

if somehow you keep them off these bad things

you still need to worry about the direction and path they'll take in life

what are they good at?

what could they be?

where could they enlist?

be a doctor, a teacher or a scientis?

or maybe the worst profession of all,

become a non-profiting kind of artist

and your job as a parent doesn't really end after they graduate

or when they have a career of finiding guys, for a fee, to felate

you need to keep supporting them

and teaching them

until the day you die

cause you want to make sure on your funeral

somebody will at least cry

anyway, you probably think i'm selfish

a pessismist and my reasons are all absurd

i just don't like the idea of bringing an infant into this world

a world of pollution, corruptness

and war and hatred

a world where crume is happening

right in our basements?

a world without cory, jacko or freshly squeezed lemonade

a world of peer pressure, hipocrisy, and electrolit powerade

so right now, i'd rather live by myself and die alone

without anybody to see whenever i go home

but at least i'm doing the world a favor

and i hope that everybody realizes and see

that i didn't have a child because i don't another one of me

Everyday Drive

2010-08-01T08:15:00.001-07:00

This Sheila and the Insects song will forever be etched in my mind and my heart. I will tell you why exactly.

It all started when I was on my way to work, on my last day there (Thursday). I restively woke up in the bus a few seconds before my stop. I promptly got up from my warm seat, and walked the isle that lead to the bus door, wobbly. While I was standing there, waiting for the bus to stop, I felt a man behind me, so I instinctively frisked my hind pocket to see if my wallet was still there.

"It's still there. Nothing to worry about." I claimed to myself.

As I stepped down the foot of the bus, the music stopped. "Coming home one day I'd have to go, like everyday" ended. Yes, Everyday Drive was the last song I heard on my iPod.

Apparently, the guy behind me swiftly took my iPod while I was stepping down. Professionals. Basta, a professional pick-pocket jobbed me, and that's all I'm gonna say about this incident. It's really too hard and too painful to talk about it. This iPod was the thing I bought for my very first bonus check and I thought I was gonna have it for the rest of my life. Well, maybe my life ended that day.

Fast forward to Saturday: the Sheila and the Insects in Manila gig. After an emotional, 8-song set, Sheila played Everyday Drive. While I was singing and dancing to the song, I'm thinking about Karla. I'm thinking how my rhetorical future offspring could inherit this from me and learn how awesome their dad's music taste is. I'm thinking about the countless times it has accompanied me during lonely travel times to the office or everywhere else. I'm thinking about the times when I study music for a song idea. I'm thinking about all those times while Everyday Drive was being performed.

Anyway, I'd like to think that I made a family happy that night. Somebody brought home the bacon. Somebody's stomach got filled with cheap pancit. Somebody's debt got fractionally paid. Somebody didn't have to worry about rent.

This is how I'll remember Everyday Drive for the rest of my life.

P.S.
After the show, I got to hang out with the band. Bisoy (Orven, the singer) told me that they weren't full-time musicians anymore and they crammed 3 hours of re-learning their songs and how my video helped them. Ian (the lead guitarist) who was really drunk, started comparing the letters to Cubao and Cebu. Jai (the drummer) who answers "ho!" (Jai-ho, get it?) every time his name is called. Sorry Gaizka and Marty, you guys should have stayed a while longer.

A New Hope

2010-07-26T01:05:00.000-07:00

Although I vowed long ago to quit talking about things too personal, I felt compelled to announce the world that I have quit work to become a full-time songwriter.

Psych!

Yeah, I'm a wuss. I need financial security. I need something to keep me alive (read: keep myself from returning to my parents' house) and pay the rent. Something that will show up in my bank account every 2 weeks.

Yes, I have quit my current job for a new, better paying one. Not that my current one isn't paying me good enough already, but, you know, I just don't like it there. I feel like it's been sucking my brain for the past year. It's that bad. I can't believe I stayed there for a year.

So, when the opportunity presented itself, I naturally grabbed it -- for 30% more money! Who would pass up more money? Let me rephrase that. Who would pass up an opportunity to leave a miserable life at work? For more money?

I sound like I love money. I don't, but I don't hate it either. I need it for stuff (tickets to Singapore!) and some other stuff (an electric guitar!) and even more stuff (more hoodies!).

Anyway, I would gladly treat anyone for ice cream when I get my first paycheck. Just leave a comment here or something.

Can't Sleep, Fantasizing.

2010-07-19T23:55:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to blog about my unholy career lately, but nobody cares about call centers and my career in it. Even I don't care, so who the heck wants to know, right?

The career I want is ~~rockstar~~ musician. I've been obsessing about this since I was in high school but my horrible work ethic has been public enemy no. 1 for my aspirations. However, after a weird experience with life (read: quarter-life crisis), I find myself having the needed push to start my own band, write more songs and actually record them for a demo. I might even go as far as begging people to let my band play in their productions or birthday parties.

Anyway, this morning, one of my favorite bands at the moment, Empire! Empire! (I was a Lonely Estate) had been recruiting for a new bass player. Apparently, their drummer, Jon, has been messaging people from their facebook fanpage, looking for a new bass player. I (naturally) replied back saying I'm in the Philippines but would really (I mean, REALLY) love to audition and wished them luck on the search.

I've never wished I lived in the states before, but after that, you won't believe how much this fantasy played in my head. In fact, I'm supposed to be sleeping right now. Instead, I'm blogging and even summed to gusto to actually write something with coherence.

P.S. There's a girl who's been meandering my thoughts and I just can't get off my head right now. She's cute, funny, extremely smart, writes the most amazing short fictions (now, I don't really read that much, but I can tell they're great), and did I mention she's cute? Too bad she's in the states right now (well what do you know, my urge to live there just got tripled) and will probably stay there for another year. Just my luck. I can tell I really (I mean, REALLY) like a girl when she somehow influence my music reference. Let's just say I got introduced to some new music that I liked. Anyway, I hope I don't blow anything. Act right on things. Ultimately, not piss her off.

Attention Span

2010-07-08T01:39:00.000-07:00

How can a person increase his attention span? (it took me 5 minutes to write another sentence after that one). In the years that I've known myself, I rarely read books or even comic books. Things seem to get boring for me so I move to another thing. Do I need to be really interested to do something that requires a lot of attention? Or am I just lazy? Cause I like watching movies -- that I like. It really just seems I'm doing what I like and enjoy doing.

Recently, I tried listening to FS Fritzgerald's The Great Gatsby for my friends' Tumblr book club. After the first chapter, I can't seem to grasp anything anymore. It really sucks. I mean, what happened, not the book. The book seems nice. The author has a great way of describing things (which is what I need to get out of this reading/listening to books business) which is kind of how most writers write (which is kind of how I'd like to write cause writing like a 12-year old really isn't the way to go no more; being 26 and all).

Bottom line: I don't like reading and I don't know why. I'd love to love to read, though.

Love or Loneliness

2010-07-05T22:49:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, a song from Math and Physics Club's new record caught my eye. This band called out a lot of my issues with it's title alone: Love or Loneliness. Made me think up to this day if my romantic decisions were triggered by love or loneliness.

If you know me personally, you'll observe (if I hadn't told you yet) that I'm a bit of a loner. I just like doing some things alone. Watch movies and TV shows, go to gigs and shows, I even live by myself (my roommate and I have little in common). I like eating alone and taking a long walk afterwards while sporting my iPod, Karla. Really, everything that a loner's supposed to do.

But sometimes, one can't help but yearn for human friction, attention, and affection. So I go out with my friends at least once a week, acquire lunch buddies in the office, or maybe go on a date sometimes. However, I still can't help but feel really different, so I end up being alone again.

I think I've lost my train of thought there. What I'm trying to say is, I looked back on all my failed relationships and think about why I even started them. Was it love or was it loneliness?

Anyway, if I ever happen upon real love. I wish to read this poem (taken from one of the Harold and Kumar movies) to her:

The Square Root of Three

by David Feindberg

I’m sure that I will always be

A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,

Why must my three keep out of sight

Beneath the vicious square root sign,

I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,

with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321

Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,

Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,

Together now we multiply

To form a number we prefer,

Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds

With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued

Your love for me has been renewed

Bored to Death

2010-07-01T13:52:00.000-07:00

While effectively dying of boredom in the office, I started to read The IT Crowd episodes I had seen earlier. One of them was "Moss and the German" where Moss enrolls for a German cookery class only to find out that it was actually an ad for a German cannibal seeking for a willing victim (a parody of the Armin Meiwes incident).

Wait, what?

A parody? Of a german cannibal cook who invited willing-to-be-killed-and-devoured-guests-over-the-internet?

The curious person screamed "YOU HAVE GOT TO READ UP ON THAT" and clicked the Armin Meiwes link before finishing the original article I was reading. So there I was, learning about this German who achieved notoriety for killing and eating a voluntary victim whom he had found via the internet. But this is not what this entry is about.

After skimming throughout the page, in the "See also" section of the article says "Internet homicide". I remember asking myself, "there's more?"

The internet: never ceases to surprise you. I feel like it's a giant jigsaw puzzle and I've only been piecing the corner.

Anyway, after clicking on Internet homicide and learning about various internet related crimes, right down at the "See also" section, I see "Internet suicide". By this time, one would expect to be prepared for anything. But I end up asking typical ol' me, "there's more?"

So yeah, internet suicides, most of them happening in Japan (not surprised at all), or cybersuicides is where individuals meet on the internet and eventually agreeing to end their own lives. Pretty simple and straight forward.

I skim through the whole thing, and as you'd expect, right at the See also section are two links: Internet homicide, and Online predator. These don't appeal to me anymore since I just read Internet homicide and I thought that Online predators are just a bunch of pedos trying to lure teens to go to one place and rape them.

What caught my eye was this once incident where a person was sentenced to death by hanging because he allegedly murdered three participants in their suicide pact. What amuses me, is that it could've been really his plan for his own suicide afterall. I mean, if he really wanted to murder people and kill himself, why not let the world know, right? So he killed those three idiots (really, someone beat you to killing yourself?) and got himself executed. It will all make sense in 5 minutes.

I clicked on "death by hanging" which had a wikipedia page of its own. Two pages, actually. The other is a 1968 film by Nagisa Oshima (now, I gotta see that).

So there I was, learning about one of the most famous lethal executions (around this time, I was reminiscing the time when I saw Saddam's execution. It was camera phone footage and it made me feel cool that I was seeing that. I even posted it, privately, in one of my multiply accounts. But that's not what this is about.

I happen to the right of the page and see "Part of a series on CAPITAL PUNISHMENT". Oh my word. It was getting darker and darker by the minute.

Never in my life did I think that I would know that Saddam had 12 Milky Ways before his death. One con had seconds of his special meal. One had a bucket of KFC Originals. One guy's special meal was "Justice, Equality, World Peace." you had a hint that that guy was a lunatic. One planned to eat so much that he wouldn't fit the electric chair. Genius? Nope, didn't work. One requested for a large vegetarian pizza to be given to a homeless person ni Nashville, Tennesse but was denied by the prison. However, it was carried out by others across the US. Imagine you are sitting on a stool hours before your death, and all you can think of was the hobos of Nashville. But this is not what this is about.

This is about one of the cruelest capital punishments I've ever read about. All my life, I thought that it was just death by hanging, lethal injection, electric chair, fire squad, and beheading. There were other capital punishments, but one really stood out in my imagination -- death by boiling.

Death by boiling is a method of execution in which a person is immersed in a boilingliquid such as water or oil.

Imagine yourself getting some hot water from the dispenser to make coffee. Then you accidentally splash some hot water on your hands. If that hasn't happened to you because you're too careful, well, you know why you're being too careful.

Imagine yourself under a shower and you accidentally switched the hot water too hot. Remember that feeling?

Now, imagine a person, who is alive, sitting on a giant pot or a reservoir of some sort. The water, or oil, starts getting warmer. Heating up minute after minute until you see little bubbles emerging from the bottom of the pot. The small bubbles turn into big ones bursting once reaching the surface. By this time, if you're the person sitting there, you're probably already screaming in pain, like a million pins are pricking your skin, or as if you were rolling in the Sahara or something.

I won't continue anymore cause I'm running out of things that would compare to being boiled in hot oil. But you get the point, right? This must be the cruelest of all punishments -- ever. And I've read about Disembowelment and Stoning. Whoever the recepients of such probably did something really wrong, like piss off a king or the pope or something.

Whatever they did, I still think it's too much.

Do Over

2010-06-26T22:44:00.000-07:00

I want to start blogging again. I think one of the things preventing me from doing so is because I want to document the things that I didn't write. Like how 2010 changed for the better (at least for me). Like how I'm now finally writing songs that I like to write and people will probably want to hear. Like how I enjoy being alone, but not lonely. And how a person who rips my heart out every fn time makes me happy at the same time.

They're just too many things going on that I wanted to write about but somehow didn't and now I keep saying to myself: well, you gotta write about this first, right? Well, fuck that. I'm starting anew.

Let me call this my 365-day project. I'm gonna use words and maybe some pictures.

Shocking

2010-02-17T21:00:00.001-08:00

I happened upon a former classmate’s Facebook page and saw that there was an actual Facebook (um, person? what do you call a non-page/non-group?) contact for our high school’s alumni association. I added it (natch). Hilarity ensues…

I didn’t send that message of course. But it was at the back of my head. I have never been ashamed of coming from that high school. Let alone, coming from that town. Ok, I may need to scratch that last sentence off because I still love my friends and family there.

Anyway, the fact still remains: whoever’s running that page is probably logged in from Mandaluyong. The person is sick, I tell you. Sick.

However, I do want to meet this dude in person. I want to see how he holds up in confrontation. Kaso baka mabugbog ako sa sarili kong bayan. Pero, bahala na.

Fanboy

2010-02-06T23:53:00.000-08:00

Last night, as I was walking Tin to get a taxi, we saw Mitch and Justin (from Ciudad) walking away with their instruments. I turned to Tin and said, "shit, di na tuloy ang Ciudad". Tin was ready to be a fangirl and maybe run over to them and talk. Which would be so uncool if she did it inside Cubao X, outisde, it's fine. As long as there were nobody around.

Anyway, she didn't talk to them and just got on the taxi. As she rode off, I saw Justin leaving Mitch's car and carefully approaching where I was standing. So I waited for a few seconds (gathering some fanboy courage) and talked to him.

"Di na kayo tuloy?"
"Oo eh. May kailangan kasi puntahan si Mitch. Tsaka medyo na-move din yung set naman. Supposedly, 10:30pm siya."
"Ah ok. Sayang naman. Kayo pa naman iniintay ko dito"

I was very awkward the whole time (I mean, this are my heroes for goodness sake). He introduced himself (as if I didn't already know him) which is so un-rockstar-like. This is what indie is supposed to be like, man. Be friends with your fans. Make nice. Make fuckin' nice.

I praised them for playing at Arlene's Grocery a couple of months back and actually used the phrase "Mecca of Indie bands" to describe Arlene's Grocery. Not surprisingly, he was also delighted of the thought of them playing there.

It was awesome. I'm doing this everytime I see them.